AUSTIN, Texas – Kiran Malhotra, 7, has decided to marry someone with at least 4 arms when they grow up. This decision was made after much deliberation last week.
Kiran, a student at Clearview Sudbury School, was at Zilker Park with friends and family. After climbing some rocks and battling with Nerf guns, Kiran decided to relax at Barton Creek and make important decisions for the future.
Decision #1 was going to Disney World after the new Star Wars park opens. Decision #2 was going to veterinary school to become a veterinarian (even though Ramesh Uncle seems to think becoming a human doctor instead of an animal doctor is a better choice).
Then the decision-making took a serious turn with thoughts about marriage and children. Said Kiran, “Aunties & Uncles always ask me what I want to be when I grow up. Then right after that, they ask if I want to get married. I never really thought about it before but since they keep asking it must be important. So I wondered what kind of a person would I want to marry? It has to be someone nice. They have to like me and I have to like them. But what’s really cool is lots of arms.”
Kiran’s family is Hindu and as Kiran told us, they have “cool gods and goddesses. Ma Durga is pretty cool because she has 10 arms, 8 of which have really neat weapons. Then there’s Lord Shiva, who’s only got 2 arms but he’s one of the big three in our trinity. He’s the destroyer and he’s blue. But the coolest is Kali Ma, who’s blue and has 4 arms. She’s got a scimitar and a trident and a severed head and, I think, a bowl of blood. No one messes with her.”
Kiran decided that 4 arms were the bare minimum required before someone was worth marrying. “Two arms won’t cut it. With 4 you can do so much more. Carrying weapons all the time wouldn’t be safe, of course. Instead of a bowl of blood they can carry a lunchbox or a walking stick. Climbing trees would be SO much easier. We could unload groceries from the car in half the time.”
Their future children would benefit too, said Kiran. “We could have a bigger family and bring more food to the table at one time. The extra hands would be really helpful when building Legos. Or scratching two kids’ backs while reading a book. Life would just be easier.”
There was one concern that Kiran has:”I’m not sure where to buy shirts and jackets for someone with 4 arms. I don’t think we’d be able to shop at Old Navy anymore.”
Kiran decided to cross that bridge when the time comes and skipped away dreaming of life with an at least 4 armed partner.